New Year's Intention

I’ve noticed an increase in ads for diets – Weight Watchers, NutriSystem, Special K Challenge, Jenny Craig – as well as articles with suggestions for the new year, all seeming to encourage resolutions related to weight and exercise.

I’ve never had much luck with resolutions, though, partly because they seem very diet-like to me. If I set a resolution, it feels like something I have to do, or a specific way I have to act, period, without much room for flexibility.

For example, if I say I’m going to eat in a more healthy way, I might be inclined to change everything overnight and just force myself to eat what I think is healthy. This could include cutting out sugar and lots of fat, among other things. But this could also mean that if I slip, for instance having a piece of birthday cake, or some chocolates, I might get discouraged, feel like I’ve blown my resolution, and give it up altogether.

That’s why this year I’m thinking about things a little differently. Instead of a resolution, I’m setting a New Year’s intention.

To me, this seems more realistic, where I move forward with a specific aim, while realizing that there might be many different ways to get there. Some paths might have more twists and turns and bumps and detours than others, but it doesn’t mean I can’t achieve that goal.

From this perspective, if I set an intention to eat in a more healthy way, I can approach each day, each meal, as it comes, thinking about what the healthier options are, but still allowing some give and take. In this context, a piece of birthday cake or chocolate might be part of my intent to enjoy food in moderation, knowing that it will make me less inclined to feel restricted and later over-eat. Additionally, it doesn’t influence any later choices except that I may feel like eating something more nutritious later on; it wouldn’t derail my overall goal.

For some people, resolutions may work fine, but since that’s not the case for me, my intention for the coming year is to continue practicing mindfulness in all areas of my life, not just eating.

Whether you set a resolution or intention or neither, I hope that the new year brings you and your families many good things.

Note: If you’re interested in mindfulness and setting intention in relation to eating, the Am I Hungry? Mindful Eating program might help. Visit www.amihungry.com or my website.

What People Fear

Note: For more information on the Am I Hungry? Mindful Eating program, visit www.amihungry.com or my website.

I remember being heavy and trying to navigate the world, all the while feeling others flinch away from me. At the time I always thought it was about me, about disgust at my size and what I looked like. I never considered that it might be something else.

That’s why I was struck when reading a particular section of the book “Every Day” by David Levithan. In the book, A, the protagonist, wakes every day in a different body. One day it’s as Finn, who weighs about three hundred pounds. When using Finn’s body, A noted: “And there are the looks I get – such undisguised disgust…. But there’s also something more primal, something… defensive in their disgust. I am what they fear becoming.” (p. 271)

For some reason I had never thought of it that way before, but it immediately struck me as true. Our society places so much emphasis on appearance, and such stigma around obesity, that it makes sense (in a sad way) that people would fear becoming that way. It doesn’t help that most people share A’s belief about why people grow obese.

“Finn Taylor has retreated from most of the world; his size comes from negligence and laziness, a carelessness that would be pathological if it had any meticulousness to it. While I’m sure if I access deep enough I will find some well of humanity, all I can see on the surface is the emotional equivalent of a burp.” (p. 270)

Admittedly A had inside access to Finn’s memories and thoughts, but this seems to reflect a more general assumption. If you believe this is the way fat people are, then it makes perfect sense to be afraid of becoming like them. Why would you want to be that person, the one who is lazy and isolated and doesn’t seem to care about anything or be connected to anyone?

And yet, this is far from the whole truth. While some people may fall into this category, I have to wonder how much of an influence weight is; I know that some thin people are equally isolated and disengaged. At the same time, many people who are heavy are very sensitive and would like to be more connected to the rest of humanity – if only they felt they would be accepted.

This reminds me of one of the sections of the Am I Hungry? Mindful Eating program, in which we talk about how thoughts and beliefs influence feelings, which lead to certain actions, which generate results that reinforce our thoughts and beliefs.

In this case, people may believe that those who are obese are lazy and pathetic excuses of humanity, which leads to feelings of disgust and fear of becoming that way. And so they treat the obese with prejudice and aversion, feel disgust when looking at them, and may fear becoming that way. The result is that the people who are overweight may retreat even more, and this self-imposed isolation could reinforce the belief that they’re lazy and disconnected. It might also strengthen their sense that the only comfort they will find is in food.

But what if we changed that? What if, instead of fear, the general population truly believed that the obese were people, just like them, no more lazy or undeserving than any other? Might this then lead to feelings of empathy, which would lead to treating the obese with care and compassion, and thus result in greater connection? And if that happened, might those who are heavy feel that they can find solace in something other than food, and thus might not remain as heavy?

While I can’t say for sure, it’s an interesting thought experiment, and one that I wish we could see played out in the real world. Even if it didn’t lead to anyone being lighter, it would likely lead to people being happier, and to me, that alone is worth the attempt.

Being Prepared

Note: For more information on the Am I Hungry? Mindful Eating program, visit www.amihungry.com or my website.

As anyone who knows me is aware, I like to plan (sometimes too much). This includes figuring out what meals to have during the week, so that when I go grocery shopping I know what pick up.

Today, though, I didn’t expect to need much at home, since my boyfriend and I were planning to go to Cambridge, MA, to see my niece perform in the Christmas Revels. We were going to eat lunch out, and bring some snacks for the trip to and from.

Except – we’re being hit by the first major storm of the season (we’re on our way to a foot of snow), and we decided it wasn’t safe even trying to get to the train station.

This gave me a moment of panic. For some reason, I hadn’t thought about what to do in the event of the storm. (To show how much my mind was focused on not being home today, I even forgot to pull out my shovels!) What would I eat?

It reminded me of the discussions in the Am I Hungry? Mindful Eating program of being prepared by having some staples on-hand. That, in turn, made me decide that before I worried too much, I should investigate what I actually have.

Plenty of hummus, since that was part of the plan for snacks. Also carrots and celery, crackers and cheese (made from almonds), nuts, a few crepes, plenty of rice, some leftover chicken in the freezer, frozen peas and corn, rice cakes, popcorn, quinoa, and a variety of fruit.

Oh, and lots of cookies from my recent holiday baking spree.

So – I think I’ll weather the storm in fine fashion. But it did make me think about how much I can get locked into my plan for food, instead of being more flexible and accommodating. It’s a good reminder that while it’s important to think ahead to have food on-hand, it’s also important to not always let that plan dictate what I’m going to be eating in a given day.

After all, life is unpredictable, especially in Maine in the winter. For today, I’m glad to discover that I was better prepared than I had realized, and I’ll try to keep this in mind in the future, to be more comfortable adjusting to those inevitable changes.

Magic Pill

Have you ever wanted a magic pill, or some miracle diet, that would let you lose weight effortlessly? I did, back when I was a teen and young adult. I remember thinking that if I just took the right pill or ate the right food, the weight would simply melt away, revealing the true, svelte me beneath.

In my efforts to achieve this goal, I tried a bunch of things, including:

-       Weight Watchers, twice

-       Shapedown

-       Supplements that were supposed to help increase my metabolism

-       Herbs to help my thyroid (although I don’t think anything was drastically wrong with it)

-       Candida diet (this was mostly so my mom would have someone to do it with)

-       Avoiding sugars and wheat due to allergies

-       Going to a camp with a secondary focus on weight loss

None of it worked, but that didn’t stop me hoping that the next time would be different. The problem was, wishing for this type of pill let me think only about the symptoms, not the cause, of my weight issues. Which is a large part of the reason why in almost all these cases I ended up weighing more than I did beforehand.

It was discouraging, but since I didn’t want to think about the reasons why I was eating, I kept on looking for the magic pill. I just wanted something that would allow me to eat whatever I wanted and still lose weight.

I was reminded of this today when reading an article about diet drugs, and why doctors don’t tend to prescribe them, even if they’re effective. From reading this, it sounds like a magic pill might be a reality, or on the horizon, for at least some people.

As a teenager, I would probably have wanted to sign right up, but now, I wonder.

My way of losing weight wasn’t always easy, nor was it quick. On the other hand, it did allow me to eat whatever I wanted and still lose weight. It’s just that I didn’t eat for reasons other than being hungry (well, most of the time).

Plus, I discovered that what I wanted to eat changed radically. If I were still eating the candy and sweets and fried foods and chips that I always wanted when I was younger, it might be a different story, but that’s not what I want these days. I enjoy eating healthy foods now, with the sugary and fatty stuff as an occasional side.

Even more than that, my weight loss process allowed me to learn a lot about myself, my relationships, and how I interact in the world. I could only have done this by taking things slowly, one step at a time, and figuring out for myself what was going on.

Would I have discovered all this if I had lost weight simply by taking a pill? I don’t know. I would probably need to know more about them and how they actually work for those using them.

What I can say is that I don’t regret the time or effort that went into my eventual weight loss. As a teen I thought I needed to be thin to reveal my true self, but instead, my weight loss simply helped me recognize and accept the self that I had been all along. And for me, that is magic enough.

A Cheat Day

“Every good dieter deserves a cheat day.” That was the premise in an article I saw about making Thanksgiving a “cheat day”, and before I even read any further, I found myself itching to write a response.

The phrase “good dieter” rubbed me the wrong way. It emphasizes the notion that you as a dieter are good or bad – not, perhaps, that the diet itself might be bad. In my opinion, if a diet is so unsustainable that you need to “cheat” in order to keep it up, then how good can it be? And how good do you have to be in order to deserve such a day? If you ate a cookie the day before, are you suddenly “bad” and don’t deserve to enjoy Thanksgiving?

As I continued reading, I found myself questioning even more. The article suggests indulging on cheat days, but with moderation, pointing out that people who feel deprived are more likely to binge. I agree with that, which begs the question – if deprivation causes problems, why not incorporate moderation on a daily basis, instead of waiting to splurge on a specific day?

The article also pointed out that Thanksgiving is a day to “soak up the beauty of family, friends, and life in general,” so it’s okay to “kick back and enjoy yourself”. What does that mean for the rest of the time? That other days we shouldn’t be focused on enjoying life, or appreciating our family and friends? Or that we should eat food we don’t enjoy so we make sure we don’t eat too much?

I can’t really argue with the suggestion on limiting alcohol, or making sure not to drink on an empty stomach. But my discomfort returned with the comment to eat slowly so you enjoy the food, or else the splurge is wasted. Again, that implies that the rest of the time you may not want to linger over food because eating healthy is all about deprivation and can’t be enjoyed. Unfortunately I think many people believe that, but it doesn’t have to be that way. You can certainly savor healthy meals that are truly delicious. And you can have something that’s more fun than nutritious without being “bad”.

The article proceeded to suggest eating only until satiated by paying close attention to fullness cues. But if the rest of the time you’re only eating as much as the diet allows, how will you even recognize your fullness cues to know when you’re satisfied? This approach doesn’t come naturally to many, and it takes practice, something that would be difficult to learn if you’re only doing it on “cheat” days.

Finally, the article recommends getting right back to the diet the next morning without worrying about the calories from the day before. I agree with not worrying about the previous day, but why go back on the diet?

Why not continue to practice all those things you did on your “cheat” day? Eating mindfully; enjoying the food and company; practicing moderation; and eating what you love but stopping when you’re satisfied. You can make every day one of mindful eating, gratitude, and celebrating life, without worrying about calories.

That way you never have to wonder if you’ve been “good” enough to “deserve” a cheat day, or force yourself to eat in ways that don’t appeal to you. You can simply enjoy and appreciate feeling good and everything life has to offer. Isn’t that, after all, what Thanksgiving, and every day, is all about?

Note: For more information on mindful eating, take a look at the Am I Hungry? Mindful Eating program by visiting www.amihungry.com or my website.