How Do You Eat?

Note: This is part of a short series of posts relating to the Mindful Eating cycle in the Am I Hungry? program, where each part looks at one of the decision points that goes into eating – why, when, what, how, how much, and where you spend your energy. This section looks at how we eat. For more information on the Am I Hungry? program, visit www.amihungry.com or my website.

If you’ve never thought much about how you eat, you’re not alone. It’s not something that a lot of people focus on.

But how we eat is important. If we’re not paying attention, we may not even notice how the food tastes, or eat too much, or eat when we we’re not hungry, etc. The problem is that we have no shortage of things vying for our attention, making it that much harder to concentrate on the food. Or some people may be focused on food but not in a way that promotes enjoyment – for instance, thinking about how many calories are in each bite, or grams of a particular nutrient, or how many points it’s worth.

I got to thinking more about this when I was recently babysitting my nephew. He was just a little over six months old at the time, starting to get more interactive, smile, and laugh. What I found fascinating was that even though almost everything is new to him, and he can be very interested in a number of things, when he’s ready to eat, that’s pretty much all he cares about.

To illustrate, when I first arrived he was taking a nap, and he slept for quite a while. When he got up, therefore, he was hungry. As I fed him, at first he was entirely focused on the bottle, not only sucking from it but staring at it and holding it as hard as he could. Then as it got emptier, I noticed his attention shifting. He was still drinking, but he started to look at me and fiddle with my hair.

I experimented by pulling the bottle away a little, but he wasn’t having any of it. He made it very clear that he wanted to finish it. Once it was completely empty, though, he was clearly satisfied, because that time when I took the bottle away, he let it go without trying to grab it or starting to cry. Instead he was ready to play.

After some time in a bouncy seat and with books, he seemed hungry again. I was a little surprised but went ahead and gave him another bottle. Again, he latched right onto it, quite obviously without concern for the fact that it was his second bottle in an hour, or worrying if he was taking in too many calories, or anything like that. He simply wanted to eat, and while he was doing that, it was his whole world.

Although my eating needs and preferences are quite different, I felt like I could learn something from him. So I’m trying to remember more often when I’m eating to make that my sole focus, until I’ve had enough – and then I can go play. 

What Food Do I Desire?

Note: This is part of a short series of posts relating to the Mindful Eating cycle in the Am I Hungry? program, where each part looks at one of the decision points that goes into eating – why, when, what, how, how much, and where you spend your energy. This section looks at what we eat. For more information on the Am I Hungry? program, visit www.amihungry.com or my website.

When you eat, how do you know what food you desire?

This question came up in an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation. In a previouspost I mentioned Q, one of a race of omnipotent, omniscient beings who aren’t bothered by such mundane matters as eating or sleeping. Until in one episode, Q became temporarily human as a punishment, and he found the experience baffling.

One area of confusion was eating. At first, he didn’t know that the pain in his stomach was hunger; the doctor had to tell him. Then, since the replicator could make any and all types of food, Q said, “I’ve never eaten before… How do I know what I desire?”

It made me wonder how I would answer this question in a way that someone who has never experienced food could make sense of.

I might explain that what I want depends on a number of things. Certain times of the year might influence it – I prefer cooler and lighter foods in the summer, warmer and heartier foods in the winter. Although I’m not sure how that would apply on a climate-controlled ship like the Enterprise.

Other times I may crave a specific food, perhaps due to time of year (sugar cookies at Christmas) or location (smores when camping) or activity level (hamburgers after serious hiking) or if I haven’t had it for a while (fresh fruit and vegetables after coming back from 10 days in India). Sometimes I may want a certain food because my body is telling me what it needs. Even if I’m in a place with an unfamiliar menu, such as when I’m traveling, I can often make an educated guess as to what I would like based on the type of food – is it vegetables, protein, grains, spicy, mild, hot, cold, etc.

But I’m not sure any of that would make sense to Q. He didn’t know what anything tasted like, or what he would enjoy, let alone what his body needed. What made his question even more interesting was that it was posed to the android Data, who himself could not eat.

While I might suggest ordering something nutritious, and perhaps somewhat mild or sweet, Data’s response was quite different – and telling: “I have observed that the selection of food is often influenced by the mood of the person ordering.” He went on to add that some people ate chocolate when they were in a bad mood, noting, “Although I do not speak from personal experience, I have seen it have a profound psychological impact.”

Although I don’t often eat for emotional reasons anymore, I’m very familiar with that concept from my earlier years, as well as from talking with other people. I’m not quite sure what to make of the idea that even those in the advanced 24^th century, who had cured most disease as well as solved problems of poverty and war, still ate for emotional reasons. Except that I suppose it goes to show that they’re still human, and we humans often do reach for food based on emotion.

Q was in a “really bad mood”, and, as he pointed out, “Since I’ve never eaten before, I should be very hungry.” So he ordered ten chocolate sundaes.

Due to other events, we never got to see if those sundaes would have improved his mood. Perhaps it would have, although then again, any initial emotional benefits might have been quickly outweighed by gastronomic distress.

For myself, while my emotional state may be a factor, I also often consider how I’m feeling physically, as well as how I want to feel after I’ve eaten. That often leads to a much different choice – but sometimes it still involves chocolate.

Lunch o' Clock

Note: This is part of a short series of posts relating to the Mindful Eating cycle in the Am I Hungry? program, where each part looks at one of the decision points that goes into eating – why, when, what, how, how much, and where you spend your energy. This section looks at when we eat. For more information on the Am I Hungry? program, visit www.amihungry.com or my website.

“Is it lunch o’ clock?”

A former co-worker used to ask that question fairly often, usually around noon but sometimes earlier if he felt the day was dragging. At first I didn’t think much of it apart from being amused, but about a year later, I started to lose weight and think about when I ate. After that, his question made me realize something I hadn’t acknowledged: much of my eating was done by the clock.

For instance, at work our “lunch hour” was from 12 to 1, and so I felt like noon was the time to eat. Except – some days I wasn’t hungry at noon. Sometimes I didn’t get hungry until a little later, but more often I wanted to eat earlier than that, since my breakfast was usually at 5:30 or 6 a.m. What amazed me was noticing that if I ate at 11, it was a real struggle not having at least something to nibble on at noon. I wasn’t hungry, but it was “lunch o’clock” – wasn’t I supposed to be eating?

Then I remembered that this had started years before. For instance, during my first two years of high school, my one chance to have lunch was squeezing it in around 11, between band and chorus. This meant that I wanted a big snack when I got home at 3, but that didn’t stop me from having supper between 5:30 and 6 (i.e., when my mom got home from work but before my dad watched the 6 o’clock news). I didn’t need the food then, but it was our family meal, so I joined in. (Plus, in those days I didn’t let a little thing like lack of hunger keep me from eating.)

It isn’t just school and work, either; our society in general is geared around expecting people to eat at certain times. Airlines, for instance, may offer food during a flight based on the time of day. The oddest example of this, I think, is international flights. When I go from Boston to Europe, I get served a full dinner shortly after takeoff, and then “breakfast” four or five hours later. Do I need the food? No, especially as those few hours have been spent in almost complete inactivity. But with the time change, it’s morning, which means breakfast, so we get served.

Overseas trips also made me realize that my expected times for eating were not universal. Lunch o’ clock might be closer to 1, dinner not until 7 or even 8. In some ways, adjusting to that was harder mentally than physically, to let an expected meal time go by without getting antsy or finding an excuse to eat.

These days, I’ve learned how to prepare better for scheduled eating times, having certain amounts and types of food so that the next time I’ll be hungry is when I’m planning to eat. This is especially useful on those trips to Europe, or for my book group potlucks when we don’t eat until a little after 7. I’m still not perfect at it (this is where snacks are handy), but it is nice to know that when I eat is now mostly driven by when I’m hungry and not by the clock.

Why Eat? Why Not Eat?

Note: This is part of a short series of posts relating to the Mindful Eating cycle in the Am I Hungry? program, where each part looks at one of the decision points that goes into eating – why, when, what, how, how much, and where you spend your energy. This section looks at why we eat. For more information on the Am I Hungry? program, visit www.amihungry.com or my website.

When I recently read All the Names by Jose Saramago, I wasn’t expecting to think about food until I found a number of references to the eating habits of the protagonist. The first one particularly caught my attention: “Obviously it would not enter anyone’s head to eat without being hungry….” (p. 28)

This struck me because in my work through Am I Hungry? and general conversations about food with people, I have yet to meet anyone who only ever eats because they’re hungry. I suppose they must exist, but to me they seem almost as mythical as a unicorn.

After all, for many of us it is all too easy to come up with other reasons to eat. In fact, during one of my Am I Hungry? sessions, when we talked about the “why” of eating, one woman posed the question back, “You ask why we eat, but really, why not eat?”

And it’s true that we can eat for many reasons. Here’s a list just off the top of my head:

-       The food tastes good

-       The food is there

-       The food is free (or the converse, I’ve paid for it, so I’m going to eat it)

-       I’m tired

-       I’m feeling ___ (fill in any emotion, since they pretty much all work – bored, stressed, happy, lonely, angry, depressed, etc.)

-       Other people are eating

-       It’s a mealtime

I could go on, but I’m sure you get the idea. Even though I tend to eat instinctively most of the time, I still have moments where I decide that I want to eat for reasons other than hunger, or to continue eating past the point of assuaging hunger.

I wonder if the fact that Saramago is from another country (Portugal) makes him think that people don’t eat for other reasons. Maybe in his society that’s more of the norm, but here, it seems the opposite is the case. Which is precisely the reason we talk about that first in the Am I Hungry? program, because knowing why you’re eating is a necessary first step in understanding your relationship to food and eating.

Reputation for Eating

What do you do if you want to change your eating patterns but have a reputation for eating, especially if there’s chocolate involved?

That question came up recently when talking to a friend who is in such a situation. He feels somewhat pressured in social gatherings to eat a lot, to polish things off, to never say “no,” because that’s how he’s been in the past.

It was surprising in a way because I never experienced that myself. Part of the difference may be that I didn’t like to eat much in front of others because I felt they were judging me, so they didn’t have the expectation. Another factor is that, unlike me, my friend is quite tall and appears fit, so others may think it doesn’t do him any harm to eat more, even if that’s not true.

Then I realized that I’ve had this same perception of a couple of my co-workers who historically ate large quantities of whatever food was around, but particularly sweets. I, and perhaps others, felt like I could bring in any leftovers or treats that I didn’t want around at home, and like magic they would disappear.

I even came to rely on it, sometimes, and I remember feeling cheated or annoyed if something wasn’t gone by the end of the day. Then I overheard one of those co-workers saying that he was trying to pay more attention to what he was eating and to make healthier choices. I was embarrassed. After all, I had radically changed my own eating habits but not recognized others doing the same. I might have even made it more challenging for them by bringing in food.

When I asked my friend, he said he wasn’t comfortable with the idea of letting others know he was trying to change. I don’t know why, but perhaps part of it is the difference in situation. It’s one thing to go into the kitchen and not eat something when no one is around; it’s quite another to be at a social event and tell someone directly that you don’t want what they’re offering, even though you’ve always accepted in the past.

It’s tricky, but I think if you do want to change you have to start learning to say no in a gentle way, perhaps telling them that you’re not hungry right now, or that you only want a small amount. And those of us on the other side should remember not to take it personally, since we may not know the whole story (for instance, my friend is pre-diabetic), and to not push food on those who politely decline. No means no.

The good news is that if you can start doing this, those expectations will change. After a while, others will likely learn to think of you as someone who eats more instinctively, enjoying sweets in moderation while balancing them with other foods, and that type of reputation is much easier to live with.